A starry night sky can prove to be nostalgic for any one. The glimmering stars against the back drop of floating clouds can remind anyone of hopeful times, or maybe hopeless times. Remains conditional on what they really observe on the horizon; the pitch black sky or the glittering stars. But these memories can sometimes be accompanied by long-forgotten regrets, which prove to be an additional emotional baggage. Forcing you to question the events in life, imagining alternate endings, and throwing “what-if” at every other incident in life. It is quite astonishing how a phrase so small and mundane can be so significant, that it can provide you with different perspectives of how you view matters. The phrase had a similar effect on me. I wondered, sitting under the night sky, about my life and the recent changes it went through. How the sight of hospital beds and the stinging smell of antiseptic suspended in the corridors still haunt me in my dreams. My train of thoughts lost track and rather started wondering how things would have been different if two members of my family had not been admitted in the hospital on New Year’s Eve.
What if they hadn’t contracted Corona virus? What if they weren’t on the brink of death? I would definitely have escaped the trauma that would stay with me the rest of my life. Things like swollen feet and hands would have just been another mundane problem for me unlike now, that the only thing that follows such a sight is the thought of fluid retaining in my body, and the emergency department flashing before my eyes. If things would have followed another suit, I would have been a less insensitive. I might have not developed these escapist tendencies. The tendency to flee, whenever I come across a difficult task. I would not have lost the courage to face hardships. I definitely would not have been an emotional wreck that I am right now.
But does it matter now, thinking about all these possibilities and what ifs? It really doesn’t because the only way to live a life is to move on and get over things. Life doesn’t stop for grim reaper or death, things go on and so should you.
Original Blog/Post by Haniah Fazal
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